Blog by Sumana Harihareswara, Changeset founder

20 Oct 2003, 20:56 p.m.

I Predict a Club/Lecture Circuit Career

Hi, reader. I wrote this in 2003 and it's now more than five years old. So it may be very out of date; the world, and I, have changed a lot since I wrote it! I'm keeping this up for historical archive purposes, but the me of today may 100% disagree with what I said then. I rarely edit posts after publishing them, but if I do, I usually leave a note in italics to mark the edit and the reason. If this post is particularly offensive or breaches someone's privacy, please contact me.

Eminem talked trash about someone, who then sued. Judge Deborah Servitto ruled and appended a rap summary to her ruling. It's awesome.

Mr. Bailey complains that his rep is trash
So he's seeking compensation in the form of cash
Bailey thinks he's entitled to some monetary gain
Because Eminem used his name in vain

Eminem says Bailey used to throw him around
Beat him up in the john, shoved his face in the ground
Eminem contends that his rap is protected
By the rights guaranteed by the First Amendment

Eminem maintains that the story is true
And that Bailey beat him black and blue
In the alternative he states that the story is phony
And that a reasonable person would think it's baloney

The court must always balance the rights
Of a defendant and one placed in a false light
If the plaintiff presents no question of fact
To dismiss is the only acceptable act

If the language used is anything but pleasin'
It must be highly objectionable to a person of reason
Even if objectionable and causing offense
Self-help is the first line of defense

Yet when Bailey actually spoke to the press
What do you think he didn't address?
Those false light charges that so disturbed
Prompted from Bailey not a single word

So highly objectionable, it could not be
-- Bailey was happy to hear his name on a CD

Bailey also admitted he was a bully in youth
Which makes what Marshall said substantial truth
This doctrine is a defense well known
And renders Bailey's case substantially blown

The lyrics are stories no one should take as fact
They're an exaggeration of a childish act
Any reasonable person could clearly see
That the lyrics can only be hyperbole

It is therefore this Court's ultimate position
That Eminem is entitled to summary disposition

When I was in middle and early high school, we considered rapping out a book report to be novel and entertaining. I remember in particular a rap I helped write on "Otto of the Silver Hand." The seventh-grader in me wants to give Judge Servitto a high-five.