I enjoyed the new Muppet movie thoroughly. I have, basically, only two substantial criticisms. One is the fact that nearly all the female characters are defined by their relationships with men. The second is more interesting.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Well, I'm not sure it's a spoiler for a Muppet movie to tell you that they have to put on a show to raise the money to save a theater. Rich guy has them over a barrel, wants to bulldoze their old theater to drill for oil. They need to raise ten million dollars to buy it back from him.

One theatrical regret of my life is that I had tickets to see Mike Daisey's How Theater Failed America and then forgot to go, and missed it. (Ever since then: cell phone alarms.) Daisey argues that US theatrical companies care too much about buildings and administration, and that they should instead focus on paying and sustaining actors. I had hoped, towards the end of the film, when it looks like our Muppets have lost their building and their trademarked name, that this was the kind of point they would make. Kermit even edges close to this idea, telling his team that it's not their name or their building that matters, it's each other.

It's the wine that matters and not the bottle.

And then the movie steps away from that, and tens of thousands of fans are cheering Muppets who thought they'd been forgotten, and the rich guy has a change of heart and turns generous (kind of like the problem with the end of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, where the only reason Smith wins is that the corrupt Senator gives in and confesses all). So they get their building and name back.

But -- and I know I'm asking a lot of a Hollywood franchise, but this one has glimmers of intelligence -- wouldn't it have been a lot more interesting if they'd gone another way? If they got back on the bus and started bringing live theater to cities and towns all across the map? If they stopped treating Muppet diasporas as a failure and started acknowledging them as a natural part of the team's lifecycle, and enabled each other to learn, grow, change, and make great art while apart? If they took Walter as an example and started consciously teaching and recruiting young newbies? What else could they do with that ten million dollars?

Argh, I know, I know, I am pushing fruitlessly against the sitcom-esque constraints of a franchise film. The equilibrium must be restored and nothing architectural can ever change. Don't get me wrong -- I loved this film, it left me with a huge face-aching smile on my face, and it's sweet and funny and clever. But I came to it not seeking reassurance that old bonds and relations will endure and prevail. I came to it with the Mountain Goats' "The Young Thousands" in my head.

....The things that you've got coming will consume you
There's someone waiting out there in an alley with a chain

....The things that you've got coming will do things that you're afraid to
There is someone waiting out there with a mouthful of surprises

....There must be diamonds somewhere in a place that stinks this bad
There are brighter things than diamonds coming down the line

Every skeleton, every institution has a natural shelf life. It takes maturity to say, "There have been enough Star Trek stories. Let it end." And if I shun all the scary change that comes down the line, I'll miss the unimaginably glorious surprises as well.

And this is also why we make transformative work -- the fanfic, the vids, the filks and software. So, if someone wants to point me to awesome Muppet diaspora fic, I'll totally read it.