Blog by Sumana Harihareswara, Changeset founder
On Shyness And Parties
Hi, reader. I wrote this in 2008 and it's now more than five years old. So it may be very out of date; the world, and I, have changed a lot since I wrote it! I'm keeping this up for historical archive purposes, but the me of today may 100% disagree with what I said then. I rarely edit posts after publishing them, but if I do, I usually leave a note in italics to mark the edit and the reason. If this post is particularly offensive or breaches someone's privacy, please contact me.
Thanks to Tor for hosting a holiday party last week! Leonard, some friends and I went. I met people so notable that they have Wikipedia pages! Indeed, how can anything be more star-studded than that. In case you want proof we were there, we can provide photographic proof.
We had a good time, and that helped me articulate some tips for helping a shy person be comfortable at a party:
- Ensure that he has a few friends there he can talk to.
- Start conversations on your own to find interesting people. Then, if you find someone interesting, get the conversation onto a topic you know your shy friend will like, and introduce him.
- If the party's at a bar, take care of logistics: getting drinks from a bartender, finding the party in the back room, etc.
- Look for quieter and less crowded areas and let your shy friend know about them so he can move there.
- Be ready to leave the moment he is.
Sometimes people come to parties I'm visiting and I see that they aren't talking to anyone and look unhappy. In such cases I often go over and introduce myself and start a conversation. I'm assuming that such people wish to be in conversations but fear to start them. Anyone have insight to share?
