Blog by Sumana Harihareswara, Changeset founder

02 Nov 2005, 18:38 p.m.

Memento Mori, or, Ashes To Ashes In Your Mouth

Hi, reader. I wrote this in 2005 and it's now more than five years old. So it may be very out of date; the world, and I, have changed a lot since I wrote it! I'm keeping this up for historical archive purposes, but the me of today may 100% disagree with what I said then. I rarely edit posts after publishing them, but if I do, I usually leave a note in italics to mark the edit and the reason. If this post is particularly offensive or breaches someone's privacy, please contact me.

I am listening to Tallahassee over and over, not eating enough, staying too late at work, wanting to see The Weather Man.

It is as though I am so happy, with all of this unexpected good luck, with the poker machine suddenly showing me one cherry and then another and another, that I seek out tragedy, feeling sad defensively and ahead of time, overachieving and trying to reach the next game's defeat early, again.