Blog by Sumana Harihareswara, Changeset founder
The Party Game
Hi, reader. I wrote this in 2003 and it's now more than five years old. So it may be very out of date; the world, and I, have changed a lot since I wrote it! I'm keeping this up for historical archive purposes, but the me of today may 100% disagree with what I said then. I rarely edit posts after publishing them, but if I do, I usually leave a note in italics to mark the edit and the reason. If this post is particularly offensive or breaches someone's privacy, please contact me.
Last night I went to a Salon party where subscribers met Joe Conason, one of our most popular writers. I took it upon myself to circulate and mingle with guests, since the event was pretty unstructured beyond "meet other subscribers, hear five minutes of speeches, and meet Joe Conason." Other Salon staffers, more glamorous and famous ones, probably felt more at home there than I did.
Once upon a time Dan explained to me that many people have a tough time socialising with strangers, or even with friends, at unstructured events. That is why we have party games, and dinners, and group excursions to movies and concerts. Like crystals, conversations need seeds before they can coalesce. This is why we have small talk. We do not make small talk as an end in itself, but to discover whether we could talk about something more interesting. Those who are uncomfortable with short silences (say, in elevators) use it to fill those silences, but at parties small talk is primarily a discovery tool.
Many people last night could talk with strangers and held merry conversation, probably starting with small talk (e.g., "How far did you come to get here?" "How long have you been a subscriber?") and progressing into more hearty topics. But I saw some marooned people and went and talked to them, tried to make them feel welcome, and asked them whether they had any problems with their subscriptions. Almost all of them did not, which is great. What a relief to remember that there are subscribers whose subscriptions are working fine!
I suppose the party could have developed a destructive focus, such as a huge Clark v. Dean v. Kucinich shouting match. Still, "unstructured" does not always lead to "relaxing." Some people need the structure. Remember this for your next party.
Oh, and a few losers (mostly party crashers) hit on me, surprising me with their creepy attempts. They caught me off guard, and thus I did nothing more clever than courteously brush them off. Is this the standard macking strategy - catch the prey off guard with the attempt, not with the grace or charm of it?
