So I'm going to take the California Basic Educational Skills Test� (CBEST�) as insurance of a sort against unemployability. Substitute teaching, much like temping, would provide flexible employment and income, but I'd be teaching, which I like, and not just working as a file clerk in some soul-draining corporation. I know schools can be soul-draining, too, but I'd have more interest in the work, and possibly be more effective in making my little part of it more true.

The other job -- why am I so embarrassed to tell you this? -- the other job I'm planning is that of entrepreneur. I am good at teaching, and I'm rather above the mean when it comes to skills with computers in general. So I am going to ... no, that's too strong, right now. Soon, when I've thought it over more, I'll commit to it as a goal. But I am very strongly leaning towards starting a business tutoring people in how to use their desktop computers. I already do this sort of thing all the time for my family and sometimes for friends and acquaintances in computer labs. I'm good enough; why shouldn't I make money at it? I'm friendly, approachable, knowledgable, patient, and polite.

I am going to read up on entrepreneurship in the next few months. This is the job I've fantasized about for a year. I have to allow myself to dream, even as I carefully build that dream into reality, and even as that building takes patience and drudgery and risk.

My mother is behind me. At least I know I can count on her. And I hope you'll support me, too.

I have never felt so nervous writing a journal entry in my life.