A million years ago, back in the nineties, I applied for a job writing ads. I would have written seductive proposals that would open the wallets of corporate clients and lure them into contracting with my company to arrange luxury events.

I didn't get the job, but here are the sample proposals I wrote, one for an evening in a hotel ballroom, and one for a cooking class.

HOTEL:

Treat yourself to a glamorous celebration of the good life. Just for a night:

You're dressed to the nines in your best evening wear, the one you never take out of your closet even though you know it makes you look great.

That four-course gourmet meal dazzled you; now, the desserts, cordials, and coffees relax you enough to look around again and take in the perfect atmosphere.

Candles softly light the way to the dance floor, where couples sway to the piano and cabaret.

Touches of perfume and cologne complement the scent of the flowers at your table. You and your companion, noticing, pause in your conversation, as you had earlier to appreciate the hors d'oeuvres and dinner.

As he passes between you and the open bar, you signal a white-gloved waiter to bring you a glass of wine.

"Make that two," you smile across the table.

COOKING CLASS:

Did Kitchen Confidential make you hungry for more insider tips from professional kitchens? In this luxurious, one-day cooking class, you'll learn the tricks real cooks use to make home cooking as fast and tasty as the cooking in your favorite restaurant.

We take care of all the details for you. We provide the ingredients and equipment, set the table for your lunch, and clean up the mess. We even pick you up and drop you off at a well-appointed kitchen, where you'll get personal attention from world-class sous chefs.

All you have to do is learn, cook, and enjoy the results! You'll get to do that right then and there, at an elegant and healthy four-course luncheon, and later, with the new skills and the recipes you take home.

Media-literacy analysis of these ads is forthcoming. Meanwhile, I'm now using the marketing skills that I exercised in writing these samples -- I've been writing snappy recommendations to hang near books in the store. "Funny pictures of penguins" and "and I don't even like football" for Mr. Popper's Penguins and Friday Night Lights, respectively.